


Sweet Dee and Carmen Make a Deal

by WeirdItalianPlumber



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-22 19:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20326387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeirdItalianPlumber/pseuds/WeirdItalianPlumber
Summary: A short story of how Dee became Carmen's surrogate





	Sweet Dee and Carmen Make a Deal

**Author's Note:**

> I started this forever ago and it's been sitting in my WIPs for over a year now. I'm stuck on fleshing it out more but am happy with what I have so I'm just going to post it. Possible edits later if I think of improvements.

“Goddammit, Artemis,” Dee grumbles, standing by herself at the bar of some hot new bar in Philly. They had been there for only 20 minutes when her companion had ditched her to go bang some guy she just met. The thought makes her angrier. How is it that when Artemis is a hot mess, she gets laid. But when Dee’s a hot mess she’s just “gross”? 

Maybe she can call the waitress. Charlie’s got to have her number. Is she off the wagon again? Eh, maybe she’ll just have to give her a little push in that direction. And her patheticness will make Dee feel better about her own life. She’s debating on calling Charlie and risking his waitress obsession, followed by her annoyingness when she hears a group of women scream in delight and start laughing. _Bitches. _

Screw it. Dee decides to head home. She knows Charlie, alone, wouldn’t judge her for her plans being ruined. But he’s probably with the guys who would figure it out and give her shit. _ Assholes _. 

She squeezes through the crowd, passing by that loud table. “Hey! Uh, Dee!” She hears one of them shout. 

“This is Dee. She’s friends with one of my exes,” Carmen explains to the table. 

“I wouldn’t say we’re friends,” Dee corrects, taking a chance to insult Mac. She looks at Carmen, “And I _re-__eally _ wouldn’t admit to sleeping with him.” 

Carmen laughs. “He is kind of an asshole. But he’s dumb, and he’s cute.” Dee was with her for those first two things. “Are you here alone?” Carmen asks, but not in the cruel way the gang would. “Join us.” 

Some of these women seem pretty annoying but it’s better than accepting another failed night out. Bonus if she can shit-talk Mac some more. She pulls up an empty stool near Carmen at the end of the small table. 

“So, what’s up?” Dee asks, pouring herself a drink, “You guys doing a Sex and the City thing?” 

“We’re celebrating this one getting married,” one of them sing-songs, pointing across the table to Carmen. 

She grins happily, but tries to play it off. “6 months ago.” 

“It’s never too late to celebrate. We’ve all been busy, but we promised her a girls’ night out.” 

“Oh, right. Mac told us. Congratulations,” Dee tells her sincerely. She grins at the next part and takes a swig of her drink. “He was freaking out when he told us. Waving a bible around and-,” she pauses in thought. “I don’t even know how to describe what he was doing with an extension cord. He even tried moving in with me.” 

“He’s got a lot of personal issues to work through,” Carmen says. 

“Yeah, and it’s driving me crazy. He’s so annoying, and it’s getting worse,” Dee jumps in. “Especially with this gay thing. He just needs to suck a dick and realize there’s nothing wrong with that, y’know.” 

Carmen nods- she would’ve phrased it nicer, but the idea still translates. “He came to see me at the gym,” Carmen says, “Going on about the sanctity of marriage and ‘saving’ us, or something. I don’t know, but it was clearly about his own issues.” 

“She’s got a husband, and a ring, and a house,” one starts. “Now she just needs a baby.” 

Dee snorts at the ridiculousness of that last one. 

“Hopefully soon,” Carmen says, to Dee’s surprise. 

“Holy shit,” Dee exclaims, “You’re serious?” 

“Yeah. I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was little. It’s something I was meant to do. We’ve been looking into options for a while now, but because of my, uh, past we’re having a little trouble finding someone. We’ve tried surrogacy and adoption.” 

“That’s bullshit,” Dee says. Surrogacy money is a lot to turn down. Also, she knows plenty of people who shouldn’t have kids but got them anyway. The gang’s parents, for example. But Carmen? Someone who actually wants a kid? Who’s put up with Mac’s bullshit for too long? She would make a great parent. 

“Screw those bitches!” Dee says. She downs her fancy drink in seconds, “I’ll do it!” 

**Author's Note:**

> So, there it is. Not a great execution, but there's good potential.


End file.
